gardega on fear

my whole life (even as a child) I have been obsessed by the idea of FEAR. If I was afraid of something I would step into it 110% and I wasnt even sure why. When I was a child in texas we had an electric fence to keep in the cows and horses in. Every year or so I would force my self to go up and grab the wire because I as so afraid of it. It was strong enough to keep cows and horses in line and was high voltage and I was 8 years old but I would intentionally grab it once a year to test my resolve. The shock was so bad it was almost impossible to let go and it would burn my hand and knock me to the ground--- It made no sense but I would do that once a year. I once put my hand in a wasps nest in the same manner. I got stung 50 times and almost had to go to hospital. In high school I would fight the biggest jock bully three grades higher at the drop of a hat if he picked on me and I usually wound up broken and bleeding but eventually they learned that I was not the right person to mess with. I have the same view of art, if I am afraid of something I go into 110%, a new direction or style or avenue. Just being an artist is a horrifying notion (unless you have rich parents or backing) because you almost go insane from the fear and stress. Unless You draw cheese all day long for a bag of coins which I vowed I would die before I became that person. If your life is run by fear then you are not alive. I respect people who are responsible and do the day to day grind and tow the line, I really do. I even envy that life at times. I am just hardwired differently, I could be a rich sci fi illustrator right now or a millionaire designer of toys and hubcaps but I must follow my intuition at all costs and that means I live free and will die free.