How to paint with an axe

I was talking to a guy yesterday as I was painting my wine cellar murals. He was a really nice guy and he told me his daughter was an artist in art school in pennsylvania. He told me he will be happy when she graduates and he doesnt have to pay her rent and she doesnt live off his credit card. I told him it was really nice that he did this for his daughter. He obviously loved his daighter and told me thats what dads are for. He also told me that last week his daughter needed a certain paint she couldnt find for a school project so her dad went to an art store in NYC and bought the paint and drove it all the way to Pa. After he left I thought about my art school days when I had to decide if I was going to have a slice of pizza or buy a tube of paint. I used to flip a coin for "pizza or paint" every time I went to an art store and would watch kids fill up their basket with daddies credit card i would get so pissed because I was lucky if I could afford a tenth of what I needed. This planted a certain seed in me, a fire that has never left me. I vowed to myself if I couldnt afford the right stuff I was going to make up for it in two ways. Passion and hardwork. I once had a kid laugh at me in art school because I didnt have a real palette and I didnt say anything except to myself that I was going to outwork him, out paint him and get myself a name. I heard three years ago he was working for wester union. I kept my word. I took pleasure in hearing this. An art teacher once told me that you shouldnt paint with an axe to grind. I not only paint with an axe to grind I paint with an axe. I have a shed full of axes that need grinding. I once had an ex tell me her new man was an artist and that he was the son of a millionaire, the only thing I cared about was that I had to be a better artist than him when I saw his work it looked like a thumbless third grader did it so my fears went away. I am hard wired like this and I am honest about it. I am driven by a fire that started in my belly ages ago and it never left me. When I was seventeen I wanted to learn glass etching to pay for art school so I went to a guy who did it and he threw me out of his studio when I asked him to teach me. I vowed that i was going to master the art on my own destroy him and take his clients. I did this in three years time. 15 years later I was writing articles on art for a magazine and they asked me to write about an artist, it turned out to be the guy and I reminded him of the day he threw me out. I wrote the article and his art looked like it was puke on the black and white checkered floor of an 80's disco. I showed him my glass work and he couldnt speak. I am the kind of person who will spend fifteen years to make something happen. I wont give up, ever. When I lock into an idea ill eat nails if I have to get it to happen. People tell me this is not a way to be and not a way to make art. I say my ass it isnt. Whatever fire works for you, go with it. If its is axe grinding or happy tree hugging, go with it. I am so on fire with ideas and passion for art I cant even sleep past five AM my brain wants to get up and make art. Sometimes artists will knock you, I had a friend of mine come to an art show of mine and tell me I havent improved. He hasnt painted in 15 years and has never had a show. Ihave had dozens of show. I made more paintings last year than he has made in his career. This is just how people are. I dont pay heed to other artists, they dont mean much to me. (Minus a select few) most artists are all talk, no action. Put up or shut up. In short, my point is whatever drives you is noble, dont judge it. My engine runs on a mix of anger, passion, conviction and gut fire. If I had daddies gold amex in art school I would probably be working at western union. I dont ever wish other artist ill, that is bad karma. I just have to be better than you. If I cant be better than you I am at the very least outwork you and maybe in 10 years I will be better than you. Any artist who tells you they dont want to sell their work is a liar and any artist who tells you they arent competitive is a liar. I am honest, I tell it like it is. Believe in yourself and others will do the same. Failure isnt a thing to be feared, not trying is the only sin. But alas, I have rambled long and said little and I have to go hit the paints...wheres my axe?

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