turpentine for the soul

I have made more art in the last six months than I normally do in two years..huge square footage of murals, large glass window installations etc. When you work so much you can actually feel your hand eye coordination improving right in front of you..when I first started the mural I was battling a bit and then I got my hand and eye up to a speed where there was a flow that almost impressed me a few times because generally as an artist you are fighting a battle with your own limitations and it is frustrating but ongoing. You never get to where you would like to be. My point is after all that work I was feeling good about working so much but something was missing and I realized I was very stressed because I wasnt making my own personal pieces for myself. I love my mural job and my window glass etchings but there is a difference in that work and sitting at your own "getting yourself off." (pardon the term I dont know how to better describe it) Your greatest art is made when your are just enjoying yourself and living for the joy of the piece in the moment. This can happen in commercial work but that is more of a 60/ 40 ratio of work vs. love. Today I forced myself to go to the art store and buy new paints (all my thousands of dollars in paints and brushes are on mural locale. ) I bought a sweet canvas and only three colors--burnt sienna, black and burnt umber. Tonight I will paint for myself, for my soul...If you dont feed your soul as an artist you will grow bleak like a winters street inside. Commercial money hasnt the nutrients you require...Save some turpentine for your own soul.